We often believe in romantic stories and tales. Perhaps every girl wants to have a happy ending like the Disney princesses. And many of these dreams we carry with us into adulthood, relying on the perfect marriage. Nevertheless, fairy tales remain fairy tales, but reality can be very cruel. And once you find out that your husband is cheating on you. This news stuns like thunder from the sky. Many questions arise in the head and the main one is: should I divorce or stay with my cheating husband?
So, first of all, you need to understand the situation. Is the husband really cheating? If there is no clear evidence, then you need to find out why there were such suspicions. Most likely, he began to behave somehow in a different way, and this definitely has an explanation. Perhaps he has difficulty at work, so he began to devote less attention or simply a family life became a routine for him. In any case, the change in his behavior does not always indicate adultery, but this can be a vivid signal that it is time to work on relationships. And the sooner you start, the sooner you will be able to fix it.
But what to do if the husband’s adultery is proven? And here arises a complicated choice. Leave everything behind and begin a new life or stay with the cheater and endure this disrespectful attitude to yourself.
Why does my husband cheat?
Before taking any action, it is necessary to cool emotions off and try to understand why the husband cheated. The reasons may be different and unique for each pair. Nevertheless, it is possible to distinguish the main ones:
- Feelings are cold. You have ceased to be attentive to him and he no longer receives the heat from you, which he lacks. Men love when women take care of them and give their emotions, and if you do not pay attention to your husband for a long time, he will begin to look for it somewhere outside of marriage. In this case, adultery is a desire to feel love and be needed.
- Lack of sex. Sex is a basic human need, like food or water. Prolonged abstinence from sex can lead to serious health problems for both men and women. Moreover, the desire for sex in men works at the level of instincts. Therefore, if the husband does not receive this from you, then he will find a mistress. But another question, perhaps even more important, is: why did you stop wanting your husband? What has influenced this?
- You’ve stopped trying. You have ceased to be that attractive woman whom he fell in love with. Over the course of the marriage, women very often stop to take care of themselves. They gain weight, discontinue wearing beautiful things, dress in unattractive baggy clothes, do not care for their hair, or worse, forget to wash it and so on. And from the princess wife turns into an incomprehensible creature. Unfortunately, such metamorphoses are common to many after marriage.
- The difference in temperament and hobbies. Your husband is a hot man while you are calmer or vice versa. Your husband loves a quiet vacation by the lake, while you enjoy active sports and hiking in the mountains. The more different the husband and wife, the harder it will be for them to live together. At first, it will not be noticeable because of the love between you, but when the feelings cool down, you both will realize that you live with an uninteresting person. And here no one is immune from adultery.
- Casual sex, which usually happens under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps it was an isolated case and the husband made a mistake only once. Quite often this happens on any celebrations when a man succumbs to surging emotions.
- Birth of a child. Often after giving birth a wife devotes all her time and attention to the child, and the husband begins to experience subconscious jealousy. The man begins to feel abandoned and looks for contacts on the side to take revenge on his wife, although this desire is unconscious.
- If you very often humiliate your man, insult, diminish his dignity, he will find a soft and gentle lover with which he will feel like a real man.
- So did his father. If your husband has been watching since childhood that his father cheated on his mother, and even worse, his mother endured it, then he will do the same. And this is terrible because for him it is normal, he did not see another pattern of behavior. From childhood, he learned that adultery is an integral part of marriage.
Understanding the reason that led to husband’s betrayal is an important step in deciding what to do next. But dear, after reading this text, please do not blame only yourself! In that what happened, there is a fault of both of you. Yes, probably you did some wrong actions, but your husband himself has gone to temptation! And remember that the statement that all men are cheating is wrong.
Should I stay with my husband after he cheated?
Many women ask this question after the betrayal. Unfortunately, there is no exact answer to it. Each woman makes a decision based on what is comfortable and acceptable for her. Someone can calmly come to terms with it and live on, pretending that nothing is happening. Someone may be offended too much and then living together is like a mission impossible. In general, the decision depends on you, on what you want and what you feel.
Relationship author, Laura Doyle, recommends that you mope all day and give your anger it’s due – “throw things and scream, but not at him.” Why not, afterall he deserves your anger doesn’t he? Laura encourages you to protect your dignity, particularly since it has taken a beating with the infidelity. “Being the victim of a cheating spouse is a heartbreaking sucker punch to the gut,” she says but “the sooner you can stop saying things to him you might regret later – justified though they may be – the sooner you’ll stop feeling the throbbing pain in your heart.” Wanting relief isn’t a bad thing and nothing is more satisfying than knowing he feels the pain and hurt he caused you but revenge puts you down a path not worth traveling, especially if you have children together.
Also, many women decide to stay with a cheating husband just because of common children, according to huffpost. And this is a huge mistake. So if you have no other reason to stay, it’s better to divorce. Children in such marriages grow miserable. Boy will always consider that it is normal to cheat, and the girl will think that she must tolerate her husband’s adultery. So, first of all, think about the future of your children. If you decide to divorce your husband, consult with Leigh Daniel Family Law – High-Asset Divorce attorney. Also, it might make things easier if you change your kids’ last name as well. Before making this decision, you should determine the costs involved to see whether it’s something you can take on. If you want them to be happy, then, first of all, be happy yourself. Children follow the example of their parents.
Why cheating husband stay with the wife?
Perhaps this question worries both wives and mistresses. Men can cheat for many years, but at the same time, he still remains married. Why is this happening? Simply because it is so convenient for him! Because by and large, he doesn’t care about the feelings of his wife and mistress, and he does only what is beneficial to him. With his mistress, he gets feelings and sex, with his wife he gets comfort and home. In addition, if he leaves, the question of the division of common property will become very acute.
Divorce with a cheating husband
So, if you decide to dissolve the marriage, then keep in mind that many states recognize adultery as a ground for divorce, according to attorneys.com. However, you will need to provide evidence to the court. In addition, the betrayal of the husband may have an impact on the judge in the issue of the division of common property or alimony, with the result that he will decide in favor of the wife. However, this happens in contested divorce, where the husband and wife are required to attend court sessions. This can take a very long time, a contested divorce may be very expensive and debilitating. Therefore, if you just want to finish this all as soon as possible, it makes sense to file for an uncontested divorce and seek a compromise with your husband regarding all the controversial issues of your marriage, according to onlinedivorce.
A husband’s cheating is very unpleasant news. And the worst thing is that you cannot prepare for it, it is always stunning news that pulls the rug out from under you. Nevertheless, this is not the end of the world, but maybe even the other way around – the beginning of a new bright life. To divorce your spouse or stay together – perhaps this is what everyone should decide for himself, there is no generally accepted way out of the situation that would help everyone. In this case, it is very important to focus on inner feelings. What do you feel about your husband and his deed? What would you like? Where do you see yourself in a few years? Adultery of a husband is a reason to understand yourself. Perhaps you will find the causes and ways to eliminate them, or perhaps you will understand that the man next to you is not what you really need. Whatever you decide, the main thing is to never lose faith in yourself, and remember that the black band also ends.
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