Mother’s Guilt… x 4

x 1… Let’s start at wake up. I come downstairs a little late this morning to find my two oldest getting their lunches together and ready to walk out the door. I find that my 13 year old son forgot to make his lunch and the bus will be here soon… mom mode sets in and I run downstairs for more peanut butter while shouting up to him to work on the rest of his lunch. I come up to find an apple on the counter with 2 pieces of bread waiting for the peanut butter. I, again, tell him to get the rest of his lunch ready and I’ll handle the sandwich. His reply? “That’s it.” That’s IT? I watch as he spreads his peanut butter and notice he doesn’t even put enough on to cover the brown from the pumpernickel bread. I go to scoop more on and he protests. I told him he was going to be starving after school and then he has to run. What does he grab? A banana. I toss a package of peanut butter crackers at him and he tells me (with disgust in his voice) “My couch says peanut butter crackers are terrible to eat before you run.” After he walks out the door I turn to his older sister and she shrugs her shoulders. 


It seems that he hasn’t been eating much of anything for breakfast (according to big sis) and on the 3 days a week he carries lunch from home, he only brings a pbj and an apple. I also find out that his coach has been talking to them about what they should and shouldn’t be eating and his food consumption at home has changed dramatically. Normally, I wouldn’t worry… he eats fairly well (after I nag him that he needs some protein to go with that salad) at the end of the day, but lately he has been dropping weight and at his school physical the doctor mentioned he was on the borderline bottom end of a healthy bmi… almost underweight. This is my once chubby son that hit puberty this summer and shot up several inches. He is in cross country every day after school running 1 1/2 to 3 miles a day and he runs in soccer practice Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings with games on Tuesday nights. His day yesterday… he got picked up from cross country at 4:45 and was at his soccer game at 5:45. I worry about his food intake. He will mention he wants a particular food, but then looks like he is thinking about it for a minute. Then he changes his mind. Don’t most teenage boys in puberty eat their family out of house and home?? 


x 2… My oldest has seemed sad lately. I wonder if allowing her to un-school starting at her sophomore year was a good choice or not. She tested and got her GED at 16 and now at 18 is in her second year of college. She is a very bright, intelligent and beautiful young lady… but she has a slight social phobia and with only one friend, she is oftentimes left at home when she should be out having a good time with friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love having her at home. She is becoming a young woman and our relationship is changing in a direction I enjoy, but I feel guilty. How do you force someone to make friends her own age, go out and have fun, etc? You can’t!


x 3 & 4… My two youngest are so much fun, but they are also so much frustration for me. I haven’t had the “joy” of raising two children so close in age (21 months) before. Emma tries to be the little momma and Ethan has become at expert at expressing his objections. There are screaming fits, tug of wars over toys/objects (why can’t I just have two of everything?) and when one wants “love”… inevitably the other does too. My guilt… was I being selfish when I had them at an older age (36 & 38)? My patience is not what is used to be. My stamina is not what it used to be. Sometimes I get frustrated because just going to the grocery store is a huge expenditure of energy. But I love them dearly and try my best on a daily basis. 


How do you deal with Mother’s Guilt?