Every parent knows that raising children takes a good amount of physical and emotional energy on any given day. That being said, imagine the struggles of a parent with a chronic illness. How do they meet their child’s needs while coping with the pain, fatigue, medications, treatments, and hospitalizations that come with their health condition? According to research, 4 to 12 percent of people grow up in a household where a parent has a chronic illness. While some studies indicate that there are some positive outcomes to having a parent with a health condition, such as increased maturity among children, other studies reveal that it may also result in emotional and behavioral problems in kids and teenagers.
A lot of people with illnesses may feel that they’re not good enough to be parents, or that they’re not equipped to deal with the everyday challenges of parenthood. However, there are ways to parent well while living with a health condition, and it all starts with having a positive mindset. If you’re a mom or dad with a chronic illness, here’s how you can raise happy kids amidst health challenges.
Find Creative Ways to Play
Most people think that kids today don’t need their parents to play with them anymore since they have access to different gadgets and a lot of engaging toys. However, experts say that children, especially those from 18 months to 8 years, want to play with their parents because at this stage, their mom and dad are still very much the center of their universe. If you have a chronic condition, you may automatically want to say no to playing hide and seek or tag, especially if your illness limits your range of motion or ability to move. What’s more, if you’ve just had a surgical procedure to reduce the risk of a stroke or heart failure, such as an aortic heart valve replacement, you may have to avoid any type of rambunctious or active play for at least 12 weeks since it takes that long to fully recover from the surgery.
It’s not wrong to be extra careful if you’re living with a chronic illness, but you don’t have to refuse your child’s requests to play so you can look after yourself. For a solution that benefits both of you, think about ways to play that won’t compromise your safety and health. For instance, you can lay a race track mat or rug on the floor or on a table and play cars with your little one. Pretend play like doctor and patient may also be a good choice, especially if you’re unable to move or if you’re too sick to get up. Your child can read to you, make you take your “medicine,” or administer “vaccinations” while you stay under the covers. Meanwhile, games like a scavenger hunt can keep your kids entertained– simply ask them to find random items, such as a shoe, a necktie, or a red crayon, and tell them to bring it to you. There’s a saying that if there’s a will, there’s a way, so come up with low-effort games that you can play with your child even if you’re confined to the couch or bed.
Ease Their Worries
Your children may feel worried or scared whenever they see you having a hard time dealing with your chronic illness. According to experts, it’s only natural for them to feel this way, but instead of making jokes or ignoring their concerns, you can acknowledge their feelings and give them reassurance. Dr. Claire McCarthy, who is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, says that it’s best to be truthful when talking about your condition, and let them know what to expect with regards to additional symptoms that you’ll experience or treatments that you’ll need to have in the future. “If you are sad or worried, say so. You want your child to know that it’s okay for them to feel that way,” she adds.
At the same time, you also want to let them know that you’re taking active steps to feel better. Let your children know that you’re taking medication, and that your doctors and nurses are taking care of you. Even if your child is too young to fully understand your treatment plan, you can explain in simple terms what each medication or treatment does to benefit you. For example, you can say that the medicine that you take in the mornings help to make you less dizzy, or your physical therapist helps you to get stronger so you can walk a little more everyday.
Don’t Push Them Away
It’s only natural to want to be left alone when you’re ill or when your symptoms flare up. But as much as you’d want to avoid dealing with anyone while you’re having a difficult time, it’s also good to keep in mind that your kids also need you if they crave affection or if they’ve had a bad day. Although you may be unable to carry your little ones, you can always cuddle with them while you’re resting, or talk to them about their day. If you have tweens or teenagers, you can ask them to sit or lie down beside you so you can catch up, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Little things like this can mean a lot, and it shows your children that they matter to you.
Parenting with a chronic illness presents a host of challenges that healthy parents will never know. But by being creative, positive, and open, you can have a great relationship with your kids and meet their emotional needs while looking after yourself. Remember to involve other family members in your child’s life so they can step in if you need to be in the hospital or if you have a flare up, and always keep the lines of communication open to help your children thrive.
Add Your Comment