If there is one thing that is not easy to do is to remain calm around children who are driving you crazy. We can love our children to the ends of the earth, but that doesn’t mean we are not going to be pulled from pillar to post and tear our hair out from time to time. Being driven crazy by your children isn’t an inevitability, but it’s not one that most people consider when they have kids in the first place. Those who are childless will often think that people who are driven crazy by their kids are just ungrateful for the blessing that they have, but it’s really not the case.
Your children are going to pull you in different directions, and as humans we are inherently selfish, children force us not to be. Remaining calm when you are feeling over-stimulated, touched out and ready to go to bed is not the easiest thing to do, but if you want your children to remain calm in all situations then you need to learn how to become yourself. Whether you are taking your children to the dentist and you want them to be nice and calm about the situation, or they are starting their first day of school and you want to help them to be more relaxed, you need to know how to keep them in that state while you also keep yourself grounded. So, here are some of the best ways that you can keep your children calm.
- Model the behavior you want to see. As we said, children are going to be much calmer if you are also calm. If you want them to become then you need to make sure but you are modeling that behavior. Children watch our every move and if they see that you react in an unfavorable way to something going on in your world, they are going to mimic that behavior. Children will always be calm if their parents are calm.
- Praise the behavior. If you are willing to speak up when behavior is negative then you should also be willing to speak up when that behavior is also positive. If your children are modeling the calm behavior you hope to see, praise them for it. Remind them that it’s a good thing if they are being calm and remind them that it’s a good thing for the family if they are also being calm because it can show that they’re willing to manage their emotions in a mature way.
- Keep focusing on the positives. Children have meltdowns and tantrums and there’s not much we can do about it except be there for them. Reacting to those tantrums by shouting is a natural response to all of the noise, because we just want it to stop. Reacting gently is not easy, so if you do shout from time to time try not to beat yourself up, but always try to do better the next time. If you can model the fact that you calm yourself down in sad situations, then your children will do the same.
- Teach children deep breathing. During quiet moments with your child, teach them how to calm themselves down with slow breaths. If you practice this when they are not in the middle of a meltdown, when you ask them to breathe in those moments of sadness and anger they will be better equipped to do it. Children experience more stress than they ever have done, so you need to ensure that you are able to help them to build that resilience and responsibility for their emotions. It is a life skill that is completely invaluable.
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