One of the most important qualities we need to instill in our kids is a sense of security. They need to feel secure in themselves, but also in the world at large. One of the best ways to ensure our children feel secure is through ourselves. Our children need to feel secure in the knowledge that their parents are going to protect them when things hit the fan, big and small. So what does it take for us to ensure that our children feel secure and that we are providing that sense of security?
Building Trust
Trust between parent and child is crucial. If we want our children to feel they have that sense of attachment to us, they’ve got to trust us and rely on us to meet their needs in a physical and emotional sense. Put simply, when our children have any need, from hunger to feeling scared or lonely, they should feel like they can turn to us. This sense of attachment isn’t just important for our relationships, but it helps our children to form perceptions about the world and will be a foundation for the templates they take into the relationships in the future.
This is why many families bring a pet into the household. Families who grew up with pets usually want to bring a pet into the household so their children can feel the same. In many ways, a pet is the babysitter we need right now. The modern world is placing many demands upon us which means that we may worry we’re not there to provide that sense of emotional support for our children. Dogs like labradors can help us create a foundation within the family that is predicated on trust and you can find out more now on the Lucky Labs site about dogs like labradors and see how they can help you.
The point is the sense of attachment our children have within the family unit is going to help them foster effective relationships. Children that don’t have that sense of security will learn that others cannot be trusted to look after their needs, which is a very negative perception to have, and our children could become very suspicious of anybody who comes into their lives with well-meaning intentions. Additionally, it will form their opinions on themselves. Children that feel insecure will have separation anxiety when parents go, but they don’t have that sense of comfort when the parent returns. These types of children can be described as needy or clingy, but in adulthood, they could have difficulty expressing how they feel and lack trust in relationships.
Children who have a strong sense of attachment to their parents who are safe and predictable people can meet their needs because they are always someone they can count on, and this means they will be relationships they can use as opportunities to be comfortable and interested.
Understanding Our Children’s Individuality
Our children will have different temperaments and needs, therefore, the messages they sent us subconsciously will be different. We have to learn about our children’s personalities and the messages that they send to us. We may provide a certain level of support thinking that this should be enough, such as the basic things like feeding them or keeping a roof of their heads, but if our children don’t feel secure, we’ve got to remember that the trust we underpin in our parenting should be about interacting with our children that’s consistent with the messages they send us.
If our children are constant risk-takers, we need to ensure their safety by providing reasonable limits. Or if they are shy, we need to give them comfort within social situations where they feel out on a limb. Doing these things helps us to respond to their needs, which are more meaningful to them, but also provides that sense of comfort. When we do this, it’s sending a very strong message that we understand our children and we give them what they need when they need it.
When they recognize that we understand them, this is going to build trust in the right ways. Because if we don’t respond to their needs that aren’t in line with who they are, we are not meeting their deepest needs, which means they feel misunderstood but, more importantly, they feel not valued. Therefore, when our children begin to send the signals to us, we have to first establish if we are giving them what they need. Sometimes, having clingy children can mean that we grow frustrated and start laying down the law in ways that can only serve to keep them feeling undervalued or potentially unloved. When our children are recognized as unique, we can begin to provide reassurance and comfort on the right levels, while also giving them the confidence to thrive.
Establishing Consistency
Sometimes, we can feel that we’ve got to change things up, but for the sake of raising children who feel secure, consistency is a must. As parents, we need to create a predictable and consistent world. Our children will venture out and test the waters in other ways, and as important as it is for our children to go out of their comfort zone, they need to come back to that security blanket. We could argue that it’s important to show them the dangers of the world by being inconsistent ourselves, but the dangers of inconsistency can make our children more anxious because they cannot predict how their parents will respond. Therefore, they won’t just feel insecure, but they will be emotionally and physically detached and mistrusting of the world in general.
If you find your children avoiding or resisting you, this could be a sign that they are potentially anxious about what you are going to dish out. Many parents of the older generation think about tough love as being a fantastic tool, thinning that giving them the inconsistencies to function on their own initiative may be beneficial in the big wide world but if we want our children to form effective relationships in their lives, we’ve got to question if this inconsistent approach to parenting actually brings about good results? Because if our children appear anxious, withdrawn, or shy in every part of their lives, we can only look to us and ask if we’ve given inconsistent responses.
Sometimes we can place the blame on a child, but if our child is causing us to be inconsistent with our parenting, the fact is that it’s the other way round. This is when we need to lay down the law in an emotional sense. When we start to bring consistency and structure into their lives in terms of schedules and give them the same responses each and every time, our children are going to be able to open up and be more trusting.
When our children see us as consistent in everything we do, this enables them to view relationships and the world as something that is almost controllable. And while the world is something that is beyond their control, the fact is that they will feel less threatened in every aspect of their lives. Our children are going to feel more comfortable as a result, and they will go into situations with a far more positive attitude.
We have to remember that if we want our children to feel secure, it is more than the physical things. Many parents believe that all it takes to build a happy family is to provide the physical things, such as finances and a roof over their heads, but if we want our children to feel secure, we have to try these three key components.
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