What Happened to Super Mom?

What Happened to Super Mom?

I had my oldest when I was 21. I was young, energetic and had the patience of a saint. My friends and family would refer to me as “Susie Homemaker”. I loved rolling around the floor playing with my daughter, I kept an immaculate house and love to cook and bake… a lot. Seriously, my husband’s co-workers would call our house to place an order for a particular cookie because I sent them to work with him so often. I rarely said “no” to anyone regarding anything… I wanted to please everyone.

I had my second to the oldest when I was 26. We now lived in a new (to us) house, I had recently quit my job (I taught 3rd grade for a year), was still full of energy, kept a tidy house and loved to play with the kids at the drop of a hat. I still loved to cook and bake but not to the extent I had before. My family still teased me often that I should be called “Susie Homemaker”.

Fast forward several years…. several. I am now 37, I have been babysitting an adorable little girl for two years. She was so adorable that she inspired my husband and I to have a third child. Emma was a beautiful baby and I loved her so much I felt my heart would burst… but she was my most difficult baby. Emma was super clingy, didn’t smile much and was often very crabby and would just cry for the sake of crying.

I couldn’t believe how much “older” I felt with her. My energy wasn’t near the level it was with the first two, waking at night to nurse her and then take care of the house and the rest of the family during the day was taking it’s toll on me. I was still babysitting the little girl, my tidy house wasn’t “messy” but I was having a hard time keeping it “clean”, I still cooked but baking was taking a back seat and although I would get on the floor to play on occasion I wasn’t finding the joy in the same activities I did when I was 21.

Two years later, at 39, I had my last baby. Having two children under 2 was a totally new experience for me. Although Emma was finally sleeping through the night, I was now waking at night to nurse Ethan and staying up during the day to take care of the rest of the family and house. Thankfully Ethan was the most pleasant baby out of the group. Again, my house wasn’t “messy” but I had lost my handle on keeping it clean. It seemed to only bother me, but sitting on the couch nursing Ethan and noticing things like a dusty ceiling fan, cobwebs in the corners etc. made me wish I could clean with my mind. I still had a bit of patience but it was cracking. Thankfully my babysitting days came to an end (she went to kindergarten) so it was just my four, but cooking, baking and cleaning were memories from the past.

My youngest two are now (almost) 5 and 6 1/2 (7 in November). I am now 43 and have been a Mommy for 21 years. I have officially given up the title of Super Mom / Susie Homemaker because trying to obtain and stay at that level of energy, patience, creativity and time has left me feeling frazzled, harried, cranky and old. Although in my mind I feel like I’m 35 I often wonder where my patience went. I  now understand why I was told time and again throughout my life to have my kids while I’m young. I miss cooking and baking and enjoy it on occasion but to do so requires patience because my two youngest want to be in the middle of everything. I still keep a “tidy” house, but deep cleaning has officially been taken care of by a house cleaning service. I now run OurKidsMom for sanity time but often feel pulled in two directions trying to balance technology and real life. I sometimes feel like everyone wants a piece of me and there is nothing left for myself… ever feel that way?

I love being a stay at home mom to my beautiful family, I can still tell my husband from the other side of the house where he can find that particular item he’s looking for, I enjoy running this blog and having so many (online) friends… but have decided it is time to balance things and start taking some time back for myself. I need a hobby… maybe photography, baking, cooking, crafts, DIY projects… maybe a little of everything. I have no ambition to regain my title of Super Mom… maybe I can aim for a Super Me?

It can’t just be me, right? Ever feel this way?